Essay

Uhhh...I Didn't Know That Skeleton Was In Here

My evolved lizard brain loves labels and compartmentalization. So did my middle school self.

When I process what is happening in my world it was so much easier to understand it when things fit into boxes and don’t overlap. Because of that, I have tried to fit myself into a box.

I hate the word hypocrite because deep down I knew I am one. How could I, a “skater”, like Nike? How could I, a Mormon, like tattoos? How could I, an artist, like business?

It doesn’t make any sense. And I hate it.

When I look at the people that I look up to and admired I only see one thing, the thing that they are good at, the thing that they are known for. It is impossible for my 2-dimensional brain to fathom those people having 3-dimensions.

Every one is stock character.

When people show signs of depth, or differences, or weaknesses, or variety, I think less of them. I think, they don’t have don’t have things figured out. When I say, “people” I really mean me, and when I say, “them” or “they”, I really mean myself.

I have rejected my complexity. I rejected the things about me that didn’t make social sense. I don’t understand why at 15 years old I would rather watch Samurai Jack than the Super Bowl.

I just thought I was weird. I thought I was different. I thought I was an outlier. Because of that, I thought I was special.

There’s nothing to understand. I’m just like every one else. I’m a whole person.

I’ve finally started to accept that. It’s okay for me to be me. It’s okay that my story involves:

  • Recruiting kids to college
  • Making pizza every Friday night
  • Writing vulnerably and no one ever really reading it
  • But secretly hoping everyone reads it
  • Struggling with my relationship with God
  • Doing improv occasionally and remembering why I love it so much
  • Fights with my kids
  • Long hard conversations with my wife
  • Cold showers
  • A standing desk
  • Being intimidated at the gym
  • Wishing I was a vegetarian
  • Having a hard time getting the sleep I know I need

And that’s only part of the story.

I have spent years trying to find out who I am when I’ve been here the whole time. I don’t know why it has been so hard to me to get comfortable being inside my own skin. I can’t say that it’s comfortable all the time but, I know that the few times I have felt it it feels pretty great.

I found these videos a couples of years ago and had an instant connection with them. Mostly because they do what I described above, focus on the one thing.

Rediscovering them recently I’ve found a different layer to them, Aaron Draplin’s side hustles aren’t side hustles. They are pieces that make up who he is. I am sure he is much more complex and interesting that what’s shown.

Take the time to enjoy his authenticity.

WARNING: there are some f-bombs.

Wade Arave
Written by
Wade Arave

Higher education leader, writer, and builder. More essays →

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